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Elise [userpic]

Pic!Spam: Sasha Cohen, the girl

August 27th, 2008 (08:42 am)

I’ve needed to get my mind off of some scary things that are happening in-and-around my life. I chose to look through my entire collection of Sasha Cohen photos, gathered over a period of years, and make a two-part pic!spam. The first part shows her loveliness as a girl whose beauty is obvious and worth cherishing.

Modem alert! Many pictures below the cut, so just be warned.

But I know in the days still left…Collapse )

Feelin' It | Amazed

Elise [userpic]

Pic!Spam: Sasha Cohen, the skater

August 27th, 2008 (08:34 am)
Rockin' Out To: Judge shows behind me

The second part of this pic!spam shows Sasha as a skater: passionate, fierce, gorgeous, and at times so close to perfection it’s gathered gasps around the world. I’ve tried my best, as a writer, to capture her skating in words. And… it’s just not possible. There are no adjectives worthy of her performances.

Modem alert! Many pictures below the cut, so just be warned.

We will walk in fields of gold…Collapse )

Feelin' It | Impressed

Elise [userpic]

green balloon volleyball

August 22nd, 2008 (12:17 pm)
Space I'm Invading: i'm falling away...with you
Rockin' Out To: 'Judge Joe Brown' in the background

I see Sasha so little. Our time together is decreased as the seasons change. Already here in Canada, flowers are dying, and I hope my little one's love for me is too strong to wilt that way.

After over two weeks, I saw my Sasha last night.Collapse )

Feelin' It | Awake

Elise [userpic]

shades of shannon

August 20th, 2008 (09:49 pm)
Space I'm Invading: somewhere in my mind, pretty sure it's my own
Rockin' Out To: 'Once Upon a December' -- from the movie 'Anastasia'

Far away, long ago,
Things I almost remember...

That song, from Anastasia, has long been one of my favorites. Couldn't believe the flood of almost-memory it brought back as I watched Nastia Liukin covet a true performance on the balance beam. She does things so perfectly; makes them a work of art. She reminds me in ways of Shannon Miller, who was my reason for dreaming in gymnastics. And now after my dream's ended, another girl on the beam to remind me why I found such beauty in this sport in the first place.

Congratulations, to 2008 Olympic gymnastics champion, Nastia Liukin. ♥

I wish I could have come up with the indepth discussion I wanted to place on this blog about the gymnastics of this Olympic Games. But it just didn't come to be. Many things don't right now. I'm just grateful for anyone who's still out there. Thank you for reading my words, for whatever they are.

Feelin' It | Blank

Elise [userpic]

war paint hero

August 7th, 2008 (12:27 pm)

Space I'm Invading: in a California state of mind
Rockin' Out To: 'Judge Joe Brown' in the background

The Dark Knight. . . (spoilers and amateur review)Collapse )

Feelin’ It | Bouncy

Elise [userpic]

coping strands

August 2nd, 2008 (08:44 pm)

Space I'm Invading: Whitney's house
Feelin' It: mellow
Rockin' Out To: 'Piece of Me' -- Britney Spears

Like the purple colored strands of Rory's hair, I am infusing small strands of meaning in my life. I can't find much otherwise lately, and this helps me in its way.

I wore a hoodie of my dad's he sent up to Canada the other day as my way of having his presence around me that day. I spent time with him in that way because so seldom do I get to see him for real.

My friend Whitney has these sunglasses with heart frames that I am wearing now. Their silliness counteracts the turmoil in my gut and their shades hide the fear I can't hide myself in my eyes. A fear that I can't quite name.

I cut my hair recently. It's something I've been wanting to do for a long time, but just haven't had the cash. I had it styled like Kristen Bell's was in Veronica Mars season one. Attempting to emulate her this way somehow makes me feel that Veronica Mars is a part of me for the day. Veronica and her amazing strength that can survive all manner of cruelty.

I keep a specific picture of my daughter inside the front cover of the novels that occupy my time. Each time before reading about other people reacting in fictional worlds, I stare at the heart of my own world. The picture was taken the Christmas morning when Sasha was two. The night before, I spent at her house on the couch with her. I got to wake up to her little face on Christmas morning and feel the weight of her in my arms. So many parents take these miracle moments for granted, because they're given such moments more often. That's the only night Sasha and I have spent together since I moved out on my own some two years ago.

I wear a particularly immature but pretty ring on my finger when Sasha's not around. It makes me feel comforted as if she's with me. The other day she wore my pretty thong sandals she picked out for me herself on my last birthday. Her feet were so tiny in my gargantuan adult shoes. It made me smile to see her so excited to wear something of mine. Thinking of her every second makes the time that I spend with her the best in all the world; thinking of her every second she's gone brings my psyche to a place I'd rather not talk about. Desperation attacks me and, like a trained child, I migrate to the immature ring and keep it with me for the rest of the day.

I keep a sunflower on my little porch that Joe bought for me. I have never been skilled in keeping plants alive, but Joe and I are determined this one will live on. He's looked a bit wilty from the start, and hence I named him Wilton. I visit him with my cup of water as one of the first parts of my day.

I'm going to take the heart-shaped sunglasses off now and face the people at my friend's house who are in the room around me. That's brighter now.

Elise [userpic]

put to rest

July 9th, 2008 (03:17 pm)

My grandpa is dying. My sister called me yesterday morning to ask if I wanted to come with her to the hospital. As Mom was not in town, Natalie and I were the only family here.

I went. We cried.

You know how sometimes you think so long about what to say that suddenly it seems impossible to say anything, let alone say it right?

We had no idea what to say to him, but the nurses said he could hear us. He can't breathe on his own, and he can't blink his eyes. He couldn't see us, and he hardly has the strength to move. His body is emaciated to about sixty pounds. Natalie and I touched his hair and stroked his skin and held his hand, all the while talking about nonsense, not knowing what to say or how to say it, knowing we never really knew my grandpa and that since his stroke last year, he knows none of us.

As we were talking to him gently, he woke up and started moving his mouth to try to speak. He can't, and... his teeth weren't in, and... the effort he put forth to say something broke both our hearts and set our tears into frenzies. And then some tears fell from his eyes that he can no longer blink. Rain poured outside and Natalie and I whispered amongst each other our loss of knowing what to do. I wonder if he was comforted by us at all. The more I think about it, and picture his tiny body in that death bed, the more upset I get. I don't know if I'll ever remember the way the effort to answer us brought tears to my grandpa's eyes. And I don't know what to do, how to overcome this sadness. How to let go of someone I love, even though people tell me that his 93 years was a pretty good run. I saw him cry, and because of that, I can't stop wanting to do the same.

I'm not saying any of this right. I post so little here anymore because I can't find words to define anything I'm feeling or going through. But I wanted to tell someone about my grandpa, because he was a good man, with strong faith and strong spirit, and I'm sad to say goodbye.

Natalie asked Grandpa to say hi to our brother Ricky when he gets to heaven, and not to flirt with the angels too much. We tried to laugh, but our tears soaked his bedsheets like the rain that pounded the asphault outside. His hospital room has a window but he can't see the view; he has eyes but they no longer blink or register image. "Can you see us, Grandpa?" It was just something to say when there were no words to fill the emptiness in that room. A lot of moments are silent as I wait to hear when he passes away.

Feelin' It | Sad

Elise [userpic]

what she should know

July 6th, 2008 (02:47 pm)
Space I'm Invading: the seventh circle of hell
Rockin' Out To: 'Liar Liar' in the background...

Trite poetry and longing for change.Collapse )

Feelin’ It | Lost

Elise [userpic]

FIC: What Makes a Father, Chapters 1 and 2

June 21st, 2008 (06:25 pm)
Space I'm Invading: home
Rockin' Out To: television in the background... waiting for Olympic Trials...

I first posted this Gilmore Girls story as just a drabble, but a couple of readers spurred me on, so I've decided to continue it into a series of half-vignettes, drabbles, etc.

Chapter OneCollapse )

Chapter TwoCollapse )

Feelin' It | Inspired

Elise [userpic]

Writer's Block: My Userpics

June 18th, 2008 (07:59 pm)
Space I'm Invading: home
Rockin' Out To: 'America's Next Top Model' in the background

What was your first LiveJournal usericon and why? Why did you select your current default userpic?

Haha. Okay. When I first joined LiveJournal... seven years ago, I think? I stumbled across an icon that I just had to have. It was a picture of Elijah Wood with the words, "Don't... tempt me, Frodo!" on it. Made me laugh so hard, I had to have it as my own. I don't think I knew enough to credit back then.

As for my current one, well, as you can see, it's of miss Hayden. I liked the crop and decided to make it my default because I love her in startling amounts. I was going to make my default userpic be a fabulous icon I won due to feedback I've given to authors, but the file size was too large for LiveJournal. I stuck it on my userinfo page, instead.

Feelin' It | Okay

Elise [userpic]

unusual phobias

June 13th, 2008 (06:55 pm)
Space I'm Invading: lost in my mind
Rockin' Out To: random gymnastics floor routine

I stumbled across something interesting today: a list of phobias, courtesy of EverydayHealth.com. We’ve all heard of common phobias, such as Arachnophobia (fear of spiders) and Claustrophobia (fear of enclosed spaces), but check out these less common phobias…Collapse )

It hailed today, for about ninety seconds. Then it stopped. I'm not sure what to make of that.

Feelin’ It | Stressed

Elise [userpic]

on my mind

June 10th, 2008 (10:26 pm)
Space I'm Invading: h o m e
Rockin' Out To: ‘Far Away’ -- Nickelback

Today, I am thankful for…

1) Caffeine. I know it isn’t the healthiest habit, but now that Joe works at the 7-Eleven just a few blocks down, he’s told me about the caffeine pills they have there. I take one to get me going every morning. My body’s so ever-tired that it’s difficult to get going on my own. I don’t want to make a bad habit of these pills, but for now, whatever gets me up and moving through life is something I see as helpful.

2) My new jeans! They look like a pair I saw Serena wearing on Gossip Girl. It is odd that I still mirror my fashion choices after actresses who play teenagers in Hollywood, and I’m trying to force myself to grow out of that habit. But even Whitney and Joe remarked at how much they liked these jeans when first I wore them. They fit me wonderfully and accent the right curves in my legs. Serena!Pants.

3) The Olympics. This August, I have something to look forward to. I haven’t missed an Olympic gymnastics broadcast since 1992. Crazy obsessed? Uh… yeah. Shannon, Dominique, Elise Ray, Andreea, Yekaterina, Carly, Anna… I can’t help but wonder who will be the next in line.

Must Rec…

The lovely donutshoppe pointed me toward wickedripeplum’s Veronica Mars videos, and oh, I found a gem. The Teenage Guide to Popularity is fantastic. Lyrics cue just the right image sometimes, for instance “teacher’s pet” as the pregnant girl violated by her teacher appears, and Veronica’s skinny dipping at the end just caps it all off. The pain of teenage life is visible here; the strive to be popular makes one achingly sad, because I don’t think it’s a need we ever abandon. We all want to be loved by as many people as possible. This video displays how deeply that need runs in the miniature adults who terrorize each other in countless high school hallways; it displays better than anything the desire teenagers have to be superficially loved.

Feelin’ It | Accomplished

Elise [userpic]

heroines and felines

June 7th, 2008 (03:18 am)
Space I'm Invading: nowhere special
Rockin' Out To: 'Piece of Me' -- Britney Spears

I know I just did this a few hours ago, but it's officially tomorrow, and my insomnia is becoming chronic again. In an effort not to let my head bang down on my keyboard (:P), I'll stretch my mind a bit more...

Today, I am grateful for...

1) Veronica Mars. The television show. I've yet to see the second season and all of the third season (time escapes me in my procrastinative nature like you wouldn't believe), but as far as my watchings of season one go... That DVD set is like almost a religion to me. I worship this show. The writing, the characters, the actors (Kristen ♥ Bell; my heart beats for this girl), the intellect, the intrigue, the heartache, the sharpness, the beauty... Unmatched. Far underappreciated.

2) Veronica Mars. The character. Really, she's more like an actual person to me. She represents so many parts of me that drag me down in a light unforeseen for a girl of her age, her beauty, her loveableness. Her school hates her. She cried for that once, in a time when friends used to be false and alliances even more so. I used to cry, for me, for the way I was hated as well. Now she smiles through it, she cracks jokes, she becomes my hero time and again with her strength and zest for something better. Sure, she and I have had our weak times. But much like her, I'm not that girl anymore...

3) Katie, my kittie cat. My complete opposite/best friend in one hyper-active, pretty-faced feline form. She reminds me to laugh. She reminds me to have tenderness. She's a daily reminder of why I love.

Feelin' It | Exhausted

Elise [userpic]

silver turned golden

June 6th, 2008 (10:47 pm)
Space I'm Invading: away from Sasha tonight
Rockin' Out To: Avril Lavigne ballads in my head...

"Too many people miss the silver lining because they're expecting gold." -- Maurice Setter

In light of that quote, which I found today, today I am grateful for...

1) Sasha. I've been very ill and not able to get out of bed at times. For this reason and others, my visits with Sasha have become less and less. My mom brought her over today and let her stay for about 45 minutes. Instead of grinding my teeth in aggravation that that was all the time my daughter and I got, we spent it wonderfully and had not a moment without a laugh. She left with three new toys in tow -- including a gorgeous babydoll I just knew she would love. And I look forward to the next time I can see her, whenever life chooses that to be.

2) Book sales! My mom has them at her work once in a while in an attempt to raise funds, and my sister scored me a cache of used books. Included in the titles I found Steven King's It, a new Mary Higgins Clarke book, Pride and Prejudice, and a book called Dreams of Gold with a figure skater on the cover. Used books. Oh, I was excited beyond belief. Books are my candy. Books are my crack. I strive to find time to read them all.

3) Dr. Pepper. I've not been rationing my monthly check well, and have had to do without many things. Luckily, Thursday I got my monthly grocery shopping done, and now I am sitting down to my first can of Dr. Pepper for the day. Score because it's my favorite drink ever, and score that this is the only one for the day (as I need to cut back on them).

Feelin' It | Tired

Elise [userpic]

more than a movie

May 31st, 2008 (01:13 am)
Space I'm Invading: the apartment i call my home

It's 1:13 a.m. I just got home, on my heels that are much shorter than Carrie Bradshaw's, but I'm workin' on workin' it. Sex and the City: The Movie spoilers under the cut. Beware. And also, quite a bit about me. If you're not in the mood for cheese, then this ain't your kind of pizza.

I went by myself. I"m not afraid to do that anymore.Collapse )

Feelin' It | Energetic

Elise [userpic]

take a picture

May 30th, 2008 (05:11 pm)
Space I'm Invading: inside a camera of photos of all kinds
Rockin' Out To: 'Dirrty' -- Christina Aguilera

This week’s thefridayfive...

"With the following phrases, post a single image of the strongest thought/idea that pops into your head."

Right here...Collapse )

Feelin’ It | Contemplative

Elise [userpic]

concerning Best Friends First...

May 26th, 2008 (09:38 pm)
Space I'm Invading: dreaming on a cloud
Rockin' Out To: 'That '70s Show' in the background...

To anyone in Gilmore Girls fandom, or anyone interested, I've moved (and renovated) my new site! Best Friends First: Mother and Daughter Second has become Stray Upon a Muse! Please visit, please enjoy, if you're so inclined. It's really a big change, and, I think, a welcome one. There was something very... unofficial feeling about the old site.

My sister is here from the States, visiting for just a couple of days. I saw my niece, Fancy, for the second time, and met little Haven for the first. They're little dolls come alive. Tomorrow, my family is going to get portraits of all our little ones. It was so strange, to sit in a room with both of my sisters and all of our children. I'll never be able to get over the fact that, of us all, I have the oldest child. I never was the first to do things. Then again, this was something I didn't do on purpose! But thank God Sasha's here.

Feelin' It | Excited

Elise [userpic]

the lateness of me

May 24th, 2008 (09:10 pm)
Space I'm Invading: some other world
Rockin' Out To: 'Sex and the City' in the background

I must disclose this to you guys:

I'm finally getting to answering the LJ comments in my inbox that have come from as long ago as the beginning of April. When you get a response to a comment you don't even remember sending me, just know, I apologize for my tardiness, but am finally getting caught up. And I still have this need to answer what's been said, even if too much time has passed for it to make sense.

Thank you all for understanding. I'm amazed at the way you always do.

Oh, there's a Sex and the City marathon on television, to pump us up for the movie. Though, this is the most pathetic "marathon" I've ever seen. How can you even call only five episodes a marathon of anything? Strange, which episodes the network has chosen. But still, I'm enjoying reliving them.

Feelin' It | Confused

Elise [userpic]

sex and the friday five

May 23rd, 2008 (11:11 pm)
Space I'm Invading: drifting toward sleep
Rockin' Out To: 'Friends' in the background

I joined thefridayfive. This week’s answers are:

1. What were some of the smells and tastes of your childhood?
They say that smells can trigger memory like nothing else on earth. They said so on Dawson’s Creek once, and I believed it. I remember the smell of chalk and sweat after long workouts with my gymnastics team. The scent of my favorite sport soothed me through all of its injuries that pained. I remember the scent of roses, too; my dad has kept my late grandfather’s collection of those beautiful flowers growing ever since I can remember. Don’t be burdened by their thorns; be intoxicated by their beauty. As for tastes, my grandmother and I ate a lot of banana toast. I’m sure that eating it again would transport me back to a single-digit age in an instant.

2. What did you have as a child that you do not think children today have?
More than anything, I owned a degree of self-loathing that I would not wish upon any other child, but I think more and more experience such things as the decades wear on. I had obsessions, also, to which I paid more time and gave more love than children today. (Gymnastics, famous gymnasts, a love of writing letters, a love for writing itself.) And? I had a baby Cabbage Patch, the likes of which just aren’t made anymore.

3. What elementary grade was your favorite?
Elementary school was a painful time. I know that my least favorite year was third grade, when I lost my brother and moved to a new town, new school. That town was absolutely toxic, as was most everyone in it. I had success in spelling bees and writing, both my newspaper column and a story that was nearly published, in fifth grade. Those are good memories.

4. What summer do you remember the best as a child?
Memory illudes me, of childhood as much as anything else. I remember moments rather than the years they belonged to. The bee sting that made me scream for hours, the long gymnastics sessions I couldn’t get enough of… Oh! I remember my most memorable summer. It was the summer that I was eleven, and the Olympics were in Atlanta. And the Magnificent Seven won the first ever American gymnastics team gold medal. I’ve never been so alive, so drawn to celebrities, the way that I was that summer. I worshipped the girls on that team for many years to come.

5. What one piece of advice would you give to your younger self, and at what age?
I would have told myself not to give up gymnastics just when life got too hard, at fourteen. I’d tell myself that by giving up that sport, I gave up much of who I was supposed to be. Though things were hard and my skills faltered after gaining some weight… I would have pushed myself to continue, and not let go of the one sport that I’ve always, always loved.


God, I’m sitting here deciding life-or-death decisions one moment, choosing which way to turn in my life, and the next I’m picking up the phone to bug my local movie theater. “Yeah, I was wondering if anyone can tell me if the Sex and the City movie is coming up here… Yeah. It’s important to me.”

Of course, they’re too busy to answer. But, oh! Life and death vs. Sex and the City? Hello, I’d rather be entertained. Extravagantly.

Carrie is my soulmate. Miranda makes me laugh. Charlotte is who I aspire to be. Samantha just kicks ass. I love these characters as if they were my own friends. They’re that real to me; this fandom is still that real to me. Yay for deep impact.

Feelin' It | Tired

Elise [userpic]


May 21st, 2008 (10:58 pm)
Space I'm Invading: beside the darkened porch
Rockin' Out To: 'Friends' in the background

Title: Sheer
Fandom: Flowers in the Attic
Author: behrbemine
Website: http://www.behrbemine.com/solemn/
Disclaimer: I play in this world, though it is not mine. It belongs to V.C. Andrews.
Summary: The tortured moments in the chapter, My Stepfather, settle uneasily in Cathy’s young mind, as she loses much more than her virginity.
Rating: R. Dark concept.
Pairing: Chris/Cathy - (Warning: incest ahead.)
Note: fanfic100 Prompt: Blue. Also, the quote by Chris I use within is in V.C. Andrews’ novel.
Word Count: 636
Big Damn Table: Right here.

There are things to be remembered, and there are things one can’t forget...Collapse )

Feelin' It | Hopeful

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